The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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