i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
