I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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