No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
