Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
