my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
