I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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