drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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