Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
