Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
