One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
