Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
