Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
