I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i will never coherently bang her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
