i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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