Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
