Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
