i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
