bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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