honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
