My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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