so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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