I didn't shave. On purpose
id be glad to
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
