Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
