You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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