What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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