Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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