Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
