You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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