so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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