you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
