you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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