The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
