Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
