no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
