Don't you send me to vm
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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