i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
