I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
