No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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