I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
