I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
