Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I could make wine with my vomit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
