He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
