i think i have two assholes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
