If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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