This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
