I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
