Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
