I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
