I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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