Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
