I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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