: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
