I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
