She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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